image via flickr user The Official CTBTO Photostream
So you want to break your camera, hey I’m not judging. To be a “best way to break a camera†the first criteria is that the camera itself has to have, at the very least, a high potential to be rendered completely irreparable and nearly indistinguishable as a camera. The key phrase here is nearly indistinguishable because, let’s face it, total disintegration would be a total waste of the exercise and it takes very little imagination. The second criterion (and the most important) is that it has to be epic. Pictures tell a story and the device used to capture those images should be honored with a great story for its demise. You get bonus points for retrieving the remains and/or combining methods.
10. “The Rube Goldbergâ€: Called as such because the way in which the camera is crushed, smashed, splashed, shattered, etc. etc. is in a jaw dropping sequence of events. The way in which the camera finds its end is simultaneously heartbreaking and comical. The best example I can think to give is The Simpsons episode where Lisa becomes a vegetarian and the roast pig goes on an interesting journey. You get more points the more intricate the series of events are.
9. Mountain Climbing: I’m not talking your weekend getaway at the local hill you call a mountain. I’m talking real destination mountain climbing (Kilimanjaro or Everest as some examples). Dropping it down a gorge because it’s you or the camera or having it crushed under a falling boulder are acceptable means but be creative… extra points if a goat eats your camera!
8. Underwater Spelunking: Basically this has all the same dangers of normal spelunking and mountain climbing but with sharks. No points granted if all that happens is a failed underwater housing.
7. Komodo Dragon Lunch: Really, if any predatory endangered species eats your camera there has to be a good story behind it. Serious bonus points if it’s a non-predatory endangered species that eats it (a Galapagos Tortoise for example).
6. Building Collapse: The more levels the better. You know what they say, “the bigger they are the harder they fall.†And of course if there is fire that adds points!
5. Storm Chasing and Natural Disasters: Lightning, tornadoes, falling/flying objects, the ground opening up and the list could go on and on…
4. Volcano: This is an exception to the “indistinguishable rule†because, come on, it’s a freaking volcano! Double bonus points for retrieval.
3. Orbital reentry: This made the list so high simply due to the unlikelihood that a personal camera could find itself in this position. Not sure if this would render it indistinguishable (I think it depends on the angle and the speed).
2. Getting Shot in a War Zone: Do I really have to explain this one? Accident, friendly fire or “on purpose†it is a story worthy of your cameras death.
1. Attempted Bomb Diffuse: This (A) assumes you are actually in a situation that you would have to diffuse a bomb and (B) assumes you are able to diffuse a bomb with a camera. Given those two assumptions the story is probably “Classified†and thus awesome. More points for an unsuccessful diffusing.
Of course, this is all tongue and cheek. I would never suggest that anyone intentionally destroy their camera nor would I ever suggest putting yourself or others in bodily harm to do so. So allow me reiterate and be perfectly clear, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME OR ANYWHERE. But, if you do have any interesting broken, lost to the abyss or otherwise destroyed camera stories we’d love to hear them! If you think there should be any additions that I overlooked or modifications I would also enjoy hearing that too!